Two Poems

Jimbo Altered to Italics

It was Nancy who said I was a bowling ball.

Nancy who said I love you while looking at a bowling ball.

Francis who said I cannot speak French and I should know.

Delilah who said Can you scratch my back because I have scratched yours.

Hortense who said Can you believe my name?

Brandon who said You should think like a cannon but like a new one.

Gerald who said If only everything worked as well as my new Canon Printer.

Honey who said I love Honey.

Horatio who said No I wasn’t named after him.

John who said I don’t speak English, as though you care.

Peas & Carrots who said My real name is Felicia & Dildo.

José who said I wish I could have back the minutes in my life I spent writing accent marks.

Annie who said They should write songs about me or at least my fiery red hair and small dumb dogs.

Tony who said You’re the living end to the picture of his auburn mustache taped on his nice mirror.

Lonely Feather who said Actually, it’s not that bad I have hobbies.

Drake who said I would like to own all the things I blow up it’s only fair.

Vincent who said Jeepers Creepers Goddam It Where did you get those eyes.

Anton who said My parents saw me walking down the street and loved me immediately.

Maureen who said If you see me naked and say hooray, that indicates something in terms of feelings.

Jimbo who read Vanity Fair although no one believes that a Jimbo reads Vanity Fair.

Jimbo who said when I say Vanity Fair I mean of course the book Vanity Fair.

Jimbo who said By William Makepeace Thackery.

Geraldine who said Diddy Wah Diddy when she bought a C Frame modular pneumatic press.

Jo Jo who infinitely prefers to say INMEDIATAMENT to immediately.

Gabe who thinks that talking is sufficient but enjoys it when there is none.

Ritchie who said What do you think it feels like to get shot after you hold up a bank?

Ritchie who said What do you think it feels like just thinking about banks and then getting shot?

Henry who said Sure, I will hold your breast or even both if you want, whatever works best for you.

Johnny Boy who said I like everything about me except for the boy thing.

Richard who said Ah shucks, it was nothing when in fact it was the apocalypse.

Cynny who said Who would have thunk I would be prettier bald?

Andy who said Fetch my slippers and my will to live and bring them to me.

William who said, Yessir, I am a little fat man who loves his wretched toys of glory.

Gerard who says, “Retardez, si vous plait!” but in English and to his dachshunds.

Robert who said Hawaii means many things to many people and to me it means Idaho.

Harry who said The last thing I remember I was flying unless you count me telling you this.

Jimbo who says no, it’s pronounced just like it’s spelled.

Not Jimbo, Jimbo said, Makepeace.

Jimbo said William Makepeace Thackery.

 

Checking Out

I am listening to the radio

at that terrible time late at night

when HOTEL CALIFORNIA

sounds really profound. That’s

what happens when it’s too late

to play air guitar because you

think you might wake up the

neighbours. Hey, that’s pretty

profound. Waking up the

neighbours with your air

guitar. It’s so heavy, it’s

almost Eaglesatian.

I think I will stay up

late and grow a beard.